Luckily, I've finished with my big project at work so hopefully this week will be much better. Not to mention it is only a 4 day work week for me. I'm headed to Tennessee on Friday to watch my sister compete in her college Sectional Cross Country meet, and I am definitely looking forward to a weekend away.
As for cycle news, after a year and a half of trying you would think that I would be used to cd1. You would think that I wouldn't get upset or frustrated or extremely jealous of those who are announcing pregnancies left and right around me. Apparently that isn't the case. I hate being jealous. I hate feeling that way and I am always disappointed with myself when I have those feelings. Why can't I just be happy for my friends who are receiving this miracle?
I'm usually pretty good at keeping my emotions at bay. Unfortunately, this time I couldn't hold it in. At mass this morning there was an adorable little family with 3 young boys. One of which was about 6 months old. He was so cute and he looked just like his dad. All I could think about was how much I want Josh to have that. How much I want him to be a father. And I just lost it in the middle of mass. I'm pretty sure the people around me thought I was crazy, but I don't really care.
I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I lose faith. Sometimes I get so upset and frustrated that I can't think straight. But no matter how upset I am, Josh always knows how to make me feel better. He is always reminding me of God's love and God's plan for our lives. That is one of the many reasons why I love him so much.
Thank you God for putting this amazing man in my life.
4 comments:
Nice to meet you. :) Your husband sounds wonderful and just the person to balance out these difficult emotions right now.
I hate you are having a difficult time with losing faith now. It happens to all of us. Keep talking to God, being honest with him, even when you feel dry. It happens to all of us, but the best thing is to keep trying.
I don’t think CD1 ever gets easier.
Thanks Ann! I appreciate your advice! :)
Thank you for being honest.... I am about a year and a half into an infertility struggle as well. And, sometimes I lose faith as well... and then I feel guilty in addition to the envy and jealousy I feel toward those who are blessed with children. And, then I feel even worse about myself. It is good to know I'm not the only one who struggles with these things. But I know God has a plan for us all too and I'm praying He will help us both to find comfort in Him.
I could've written this post during my infertility struggle. I have had the same feelings of jealousy, I cried at Mass too many times to count and my husband was also my rock. You are definitely not alone in your suffering!
I also read your past posts and your post about your test results and past cycles also sound similar to me early on in my marriage. Intense pain on cycle day one could mean endometriosis (it did for me), so a laparoscopy might be a good thing to do. Do you chart Creighton?
Well, welcome to blogging! Oh and I found you because I left a comment right under yours on the patron saint blog. Hopefully you'll get a great one to help you this coming year!
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